The special people in my life.

Hi Mom,

It has been a while since I have written to you. So many things have changed. I have been quite busy with life. I was not sure if I was going to continue my letters to you do to some negative feedback that I received but a good friend who is a huge inspiration to me, expressed why I should. I really appreciated her views and she made me realize that these letters are important and are special. Those who don't feel that they may chose not to read them. Thank you JP, I love u and thank you for getting me back on track.

As you know, Kirk passed away in September. I hope he knows that I know that he was getting is stuff together. I am sad that Kennedy lost her only uncle. It is so hard to believe that that I have lost my mother and brother with in three years. It is crazy. So many days, I pick up the phone to share something with you and then it hits me and I am broken again. Kennedy and Steve keep me strong. It saddens me that Kennedy is losing members of her family even before she is old enough to remember them. How will explain it all to her in ten years? How did you do it? This is just one of the many questions I want so much to ask you. I do have wonderful people who have been there for me since you passed. I want to tell you about them.

Josee, well of course you know Jo, always been a rock for me since we were kids. She is so busy but never too busy for me and my family. She is super happy with her life. She is working and has a man who is perfect for her.

Sara, Sara is still beautiful as ever. Sara has always been that friend that you can call after a period of time and things are the same. She is presently living in Thailand with her Fiance Alex. They are happy. I hope to make a trip to see her there.

Jennifer, Jennifer is the friend that I met so many years ago in Osgoode. We have always been close in our hearts. Jen, actually had a hand in me meeting Steve. Her and I don't see each other often or speak often but I hope that she knows that she is a very special person to me for many reasons. Jennifer, has always been there for me even when her life is crazy she can press pause and support me.

Josee, Josee and I became friend after her son started coming to Blanche Neige Daycare. We started chatting and before long we became good friends. Josee was a big support during my pregnancy as she knew how much I missed you. I value our friendship as she has shared some special moments with me. I hope she knows how much.

Kyla, Kyla is Dan's wife. They started dating just before you passed. She has become one of my bestfriends. We talk almost daily. She was right beside me through my challenges with Kennedy and now she has her own little guy. I am sorry that life has kept me from being as good to her as she was to me. I hope she knows that I am trying to change that to make more time for her and my man Oliver.

Rachel, Rachel came back into my life right after you passed away.  We actually are as close as ever do to the fact we each were pregnant together and hopefully our beautiful children will grow up as friends like us.

Debbie and Donna, Debbie and Donna have been a huge support for me through everything. They have kept my family part of the family which is something that is very important to me as I feel that I am losing everyone. They are the big sisters I never had and I love them dearly.


After losing Kirk so suddenly, I was reminded yet again that life is short and to cherish them important, everyday and to lose those who are not worth it.

Mom, I hope you are looking down on me and are proud of what I have accomplished and what kind of a mother I am being to Jacqueline Kennedy. She will know who her guardien angel is when she is older.

ox
Jenna

Hi Mom or should I say granny

Hi mom,

So miss Jacqueline Kennedy was born on February 6th by C-Section. It went very well and I healed quite well. She is a real doll. You would have loved her and spoiled her like crazy. Please watch over her and keep her safe like you have us. We love you and miss you everyday. Kennedy will know how wonderful her Granny was and what a beautiful woman she was through all the wonderful memories and pictures.

oxox

Jenna

Merry Christmas MOM

Hi Mom,

It has been a while since I have written only because it has been quite busy on my end with the baby so close to arrival and Christmas. It is so hard to believe that it has been two years since you left us.

Dad is doing well, he has a friend that he has been spending time with which is so nice to see him smile again and she is really nice. Josee and Dominic are really happy and doing well living together. Steve went back to work today after being off for two weeks. He is going to have a few big changes in his life in the upcoming months. More details to come. I am officially off until next year which really has not hit me yet. I have lot of things I want to do that I don't know where to start.

Here are a few pictures of life lately.

I love you and think of you every day and it never gets easier to not have you around like people said it would.

ox Jenna

Hello

Hi Mom,

So I have so much on my mind that the world is spinning. I am having a baby which is amazing after trying for three long years and then when it finally happens, you are not here. I realize that you are watching over me but it is so not the same. I am pregnant with so many of my close friends that I do have support but it is not you. I act so strong for everyone and for February (this is the name that we have given the baby because I hate the word KID) but sometimes it is just too hard. I really have no one to talk to about this because no one I know has been through this that I would be comfortable enough to talk to. The pregnancy has been an eye opener for me and in that life is just too short for little foolish games. I have learned who my real friends are whether old or new but I now know who is real. I have become quite close with Donna and Debbie which is wonderful, even with the trials in their own life, they find a little time for me. A few others have disappointed me in the last year and that would be the girls. I am not sure what I expected from them with that they have their own lives, children and grandchildren but it is so not the way that I thought it would be. I am not saying that they don't care but that I honestly thought that I would see or speak to them much more and that it would not feel so weird with them. When I do see them it is like old times which is wonderful. Mary is throwing me a baby shower in a few weeks. She is making it a little intimate one and Josee is having a big one in December actually on your birthday which is so cool. Mom, I guess I am telling you this because I have no one else to tell this to that will not judge me for having these ill feelings which are slowly passing but are so hard to shake.

Other things in life are going really well. Dad is really happy which makes me so pleased. He is seeing Annette from Dr V's office. They are so happy. At first I was not ready to see them together but have always been happy for dad. Like always he did not understand what I was feeling and was hurt and angry but with time, things have changed. She has helped him find his smile again which is great. She stands up to him for me so she is good in my books :).

I have spoken to Kirk a few times but am not ready for the introduction of him back into my daily life and I really hope that you understand my reasons. He seems to be doing well which is great.

Steve and I, well we are great. We are getting so excited about February's arrival that it is killing us. We have all the furniture and now just need to paint the room so that we can set it up. The pregnancy is going so well. I was only sick for the first three months. I then got all my energy back. I started feeling flutters about two sundays ago. Hiccups were last weekend and then this weekend, were the kicks and Steve had a chance to feel them too. You should have seen the look on his face. It made me all warm and fuzzy. He is so happy and is going to be a great dad. Through all this happiness, it still kills me that you are not here. You would have been so happy and would have loved shopping for the little peanut. I know that life is not always what we want it to be but it is what it is and we have to live with it and move on. I would ask that you do one big favor and that is to watch over us and help me be at least half the mother you were to me. I love you and miss you so much.

Here are a few photos to enjoy

oxox

Jenna

5 months

Hi Mom,

I feel amazing at 5 months. I sure wish that you were here, love and miss you everyday.

Here is me at 5 months:

BIG NEWS

Hi Mom,

It has been a while since I last wrote to you but I have some wonderful news. We are expecting a baby on February 24th 2009. I feel wonderful. I was nausaus at the beginning but that ended when I was three months. Dad was overjoyed with the news. I have been staying strong but at times it is so hard. I know that you are guiding me but it is not the same with out you here. My friends who are pregnant, have their moms to help with stuff so it sucks for that reason. STeve is amazing and has been so supportive that I can't complain but again not the same. I just know that you would have loved shopping for this little peanut. Dad would have cut you off I am sure by now and I am only 4 1/2 months. It is wonderful as I am pregnant with Rachel Leblanc which is so nice and has brought us closer. She is 7 weeks ahead of me. Others who are pregnant and will be on Mat leave with me are; Melissa, Amanda, Amanda, Sherri, Christine, Lise, and Veronique. There was something in the water for sure. We go for an ultrasound this friday so we are pretty excited about that. I will keep you posted on everything. I love you and miss you everyday.

xox

Jenna

Here is a picture of me with my belly:

Happy Mother;s day

Happy Mother's day mom!!!

The flowers may fade but many memories were made. Happy Mother's Day Mom! We love and miss you everyday. XOXO Jenna and Steve

So I just closed my fundraiser at $2156 which is double what i had hoped for so I am so happy. I am going in for my mini surgery next week so things will be on track again.

I have heard things are not good with Kirk but it is only word of mouth as I still have not seen or heard from him. Dad is doing well.

Here is an updated picture of our baby, you would have loved her.

I love you MOM

J