Hi Mom,
So I have so much on my mind that the world is spinning. I am having a baby which is amazing after trying for three long years and then when it finally happens, you are not here. I realize that you are watching over me but it is so not the same. I am pregnant with so many of my close friends that I do have support but it is not you. I act so strong for everyone and for February (this is the name that we have given the baby because I hate the word KID) but sometimes it is just too hard. I really have no one to talk to about this because no one I know has been through this that I would be comfortable enough to talk to. The pregnancy has been an eye opener for me and in that life is just too short for little foolish games. I have learned who my real friends are whether old or new but I now know who is real. I have become quite close with Donna and Debbie which is wonderful, even with the trials in their own life, they find a little time for me. A few others have disappointed me in the last year and that would be the girls. I am not sure what I expected from them with that they have their own lives, children and grandchildren but it is so not the way that I thought it would be. I am not saying that they don't care but that I honestly thought that I would see or speak to them much more and that it would not feel so weird with them. When I do see them it is like old times which is wonderful. Mary is throwing me a baby shower in a few weeks. She is making it a little intimate one and Josee is having a big one in December actually on your birthday which is so cool. Mom, I guess I am telling you this because I have no one else to tell this to that will not judge me for having these ill feelings which are slowly passing but are so hard to shake.
Other things in life are going really well. Dad is really happy which makes me so pleased. He is seeing Annette from Dr V's office. They are so happy. At first I was not ready to see them together but have always been happy for dad. Like always he did not understand what I was feeling and was hurt and angry but with time, things have changed. She has helped him find his smile again which is great. She stands up to him for me so she is good in my books :).
I have spoken to Kirk a few times but am not ready for the introduction of him back into my daily life and I really hope that you understand my reasons. He seems to be doing well which is great.
Steve and I, well we are great. We are getting so excited about February's arrival that it is killing us. We have all the furniture and now just need to paint the room so that we can set it up. The pregnancy is going so well. I was only sick for the first three months. I then got all my energy back. I started feeling flutters about two sundays ago. Hiccups were last weekend and then this weekend, were the kicks and Steve had a chance to feel them too. You should have seen the look on his face. It made me all warm and fuzzy. He is so happy and is going to be a great dad. Through all this happiness, it still kills me that you are not here. You would have been so happy and would have loved shopping for the little peanut. I know that life is not always what we want it to be but it is what it is and we have to live with it and move on. I would ask that you do one big favor and that is to watch over us and help me be at least half the mother you were to me. I love you and miss you so much.
Here are a few photos to enjoy
oxox
Jenna
